Limericks

Oct 10, 2015
Originally published on October 10, 2015 11:17 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call and leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Los Angeles, Calif., December 3. There, you can also check out our How To Do Everything podcast. This week, how to defend yourself against vicious predators. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

CAROL CUJEC: Hi, Peter, this is Carol calling from San Diego, Calif.

SAGAL: Hey, beautiful San Diego. How are things there?

CUJEC: Things are great. There - summer's going on and on. Some days we need to put on a jacket though.

SAGAL: Oh.

AMY DICKINSON: Oh.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

CUJEC: I am a professor. I teach French and writing.

SAGAL: Oh, do you really? Oh, that's good. And are people interested in learning French these days?

CUJEC: Let's just say yes, of course.

SAGAL: Yes.

CUJEC: Yeah.

SAGAL: Let's just go with that story. Mais oui.

CUJEC: Mais oui.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Carol. You're going to play the Listener Limerick challenge. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks. Of course, he's not going to finish them. That's up to you. Do that and you will win our prize if you do it two times out of three. Ready?

CUJEC: I'll do my best.

SAGAL: All right, here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, HOST:

Beer brewers keep getting more weird. This yeast source is worse than I feared. To comb through your stubble is asking for trouble. This beer has been sourced in a...

CUJEC: Beard?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A beard.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: You know those beer snobs who say things like oh, this ale has a distinct hoppiness with notes of pear and citrus and a tinge of beard? Well, they're probably drinking Beard Beer from Oregon's Rogue Brewery with yeast made from their brewmaster's beard.

DICKINSON: No, no.

O'ROURKE: No.

SAGAL: Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking (moans). If you're curious, the tasting notes from the Rogue Beer website say try it. We think you'll be surprised. The kind of surprise that you get when you bite into an apple and you find some guy's beard.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carol, here is your next limerick.

CUJEC: OK.

KURTIS: As turtles erupt in a dim poot, we're stuck here collecting their grim fruit. We tackle this hurdle with waterproof girdles. Our turtle is dressed in a...

CUJEC: In a - oh, my gosh, I don't know (laughter). In a swimsuit?

SAGAL: Yes, a swimsuit. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Wow, Carol.

SAGAL: Scientists in Canada are trying to save the endangered loggerhead turtle and are making them wear little swimsuits. It's adorable.

O'ROURKE: So they can get into the Sports Illustrated...

SAGAL: Turtle swimsuit edition.

O'ROURKE: ...Turtle swimsuit issue.

SAGAL: It's adorable. It's also practical. The scientists say it's to collect the turtle's waste so they can better monitor its diet. But you still feel bad for that insecure turtle that insists he wants to swim in a T-shirt.

DICKINSON: Aw.

SAGAL: That's scared to come out of his shell.

DICKINSON: Aw (laughter).

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Hey, debaters from Harvard and Yale, I bet none of you's had to post bail. We're straight from the cell, and we might make you yell. You're facing debaters from...

CUJEC: Jail.

SAGAL: Yes, jail.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Jail it is.

SAGAL: Usually, if you want to hear a Harvard or Yale grad argue with an inmate, you have to wait until he's convicted for security fraud. But thanks to a new program from the Bard Prison Initiative, inmates from the Eastern New York Correctional Facility got to square-off in a debate competition against Ivy League debaters from Harvard. And the prisoners won handily, although they might have been helped by the debate topic - resolved grape Kool Aid makes the best toilet hooch.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It did not help that the Harvard team's opening statement was, we are so frightened, we'll agree to anything you say if you do not hurt us. Bill, how did Carol do on our quiz?

KURTIS: I'm always amazed that people like Carol get them all right.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: There we go.

KURTIS: Congratulations, Carol.

DICKINSON: Yay.

SAGAL: Well done.

KURTIS: Three points.

O'ROURKE: I mean, she teaches French. I flunked that.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Carol.

CUJEC: (Laughter) Thank you so much, Peter. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.