Limericks

Oct 24, 2015
Originally published on October 24, 2015 11:45 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-88-924-8924. Click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Los Angeles, Calif., December 3. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

PETER WALDRON: Hi, Peter, this is Ray from Franklin, Mass.

SAGAL: Hey, how - let me think. Franklin is in Eastern Massachusetts, right? There's a zoo there, right?

WALDRON: Not - I mean, the people are kind of a zoo. But no, there are no animals in the zoo.

SAGAL: OK, sorry.

WALDRON: No, you're thinking of the Franklin Park Zoo.

SAGAL: I am. I'm thinking of that. So where's Franklin?

WALDRON: Franklin is about an hour south of Boston. Our biggest claim to fame is the first public library and a lot of bad roads.

SAGAL: Well, that's great.

WALDRON: Oh, yeah.

SAGAL: Might as well stay in the library, you're not going anywhere.

WALDRON: Exactly.

SAGAL: Well, Ray, welcome to the show. It's our Listener Limerick challenge. That means that Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks. The last line, that's up to you. You have to finish these limericks. Do that two times out of three, you win our prize. Ready to go?

WALDRON: Ready to go.

SAGAL: Here we go.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: For colds and those seasonal bugs, don't go in for vaccines or drugs. We're making a case for a hearty embrace. You cold can be cured with more...

WALDRON: Hugs.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

KURTIS: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Hugs can help keep you from getting sick or get you better. Scientists at Carnegie Mellon have a theory that could help you stay healthy and get the scientists at Carnegie Mellon some hug action. According to their research, people who hug more are less stressed. And the less stressed you are, the stronger your immune system. So the more you hug, the stronger you become. But not all hugs are created equal. A hug from your spouse or good friend, nice, healthy, immunity goes up. Hug from some sweaty guy on the bus? Ebola.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: And I assume the length of the hug, like, if that creepy guy holds you a little too long...

SAGAL: Well, I think your stress level - when you get a hug, your stress level goes down. And then the longer it continues, it starts to go up again.

FELBER: Yeah.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Our legions of rodent pit-pats are busting New York's record stats. It's raining complaints 'cause we have no restraints. It's been a great year for us...

WALDRON: Rats.

SAGAL: Yes, rats.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: According to the New York Department of Health, New York City is experiencing a rat crisis. Or, if you're a rat, it is a great time to be alive. Rats - rat complaints are at record highs. There are rats all over the news, like pizza rat and the New York Mets. One Manhattan resident says it's like the Burning Man of rats. They're just sitting there in a lawn chair, waiting for you. Now, that sounds pretty scary, but the truth is, Rat Burning Man or regular Burning Man, you're going to need a tetanus shot. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Though I just cooked a nice piece of meat, my sex drive won't take a backseat. There's two types of hunger but one is much stronger. I guess I just won't get to...

WALDRON: Eat.

SAGAL: Yes, to eat.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Three in a row.

SAGAL: Scientists at University College London say that men are hardwired to choose sex over food. No wait, hear me out, it's true. Apparently, and this is the discovery, when a man thinks about sex, his brain fires specific neurons that override his desire to eat.

FAITH SALIE: Only men?

SAGAL: Yeah, well it turns out that with women, it's the opposite. Women are actually more susceptible and interested in sex once they have eaten. For them, hunger...

SALIE: You feel full.

SAGAL: What?

FELBER: Yeah.

SALIE: You don't want to have sex after you eat. You're all full and your stomach sticks out.

SAGAL: I'm just telling you what the scientists say.

SALIE: Well, they're wrong. I'm a woman and I know.

FELBER: They don't know any women.

(LAUGHTER)

MAZ JOBRANI: Why would they even - I mean, I've never - my - I've never had my wife say let's have sex. And I go, oh, wait, I got to finish - let me eat first.

SAGAL: Well, that - they're right.

JOBRANI: Yeah, but so what's the point of the study? Every guy would have said - ever guy would have - if your wife says let's have sex, you don't go, no, I'm going to have a burger first.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Maz, how long have you been married?

JOBRANI: That's what I - that's my point. I've been married for 10 years.

SALIE: Does your wife say let's go have sex?

JOBRANI: No, she doesn't say that. That's what I'm saying. If ever - that's my point is that if my wife said let's go have sex and I was doing anything - eating, showering, if I were in the middle of...

SAGAL: If you were in the middle of sex.

JOBRANI: Yeah, whatever.

SAGAL: You stop having sex to go have sex.

JOBRANI: I would - whatever it - I'm ready to go. That - these people - this - it's the stupidest study ever.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Ray do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He did better than Dr. Tyson.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: He got them all right, 3 and 0.

SAGAL: Well done. Thank you, Ray, for playing.

WALDRON: Thank you very much.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HUNGRY FOR LOVE")

WHITESNAKE: (Singing) 'Cause I'm hungry for love. I'm hungry for love. I'm hungry for love. I can't get enough. I can't get enough. I can't get enough. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.