Limericks

Oct 31, 2015
Originally published on October 31, 2015 11:23 am
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924 or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. Their you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Los Angeles, Calif., on December 3. Also, check out our sister How To Do Everything Podcast. This week, Mike and Ian explain how to escape if you have been buried alive. So if you are currently buried alive...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Be sure to tune in. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

JAMES WEAKLY: Hi, this is James Weakly from Louisville, Ky.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Louisville?

WEAKLY: Things are awesome.

SAGAL: Awesome. So what do you do there in Louisville, one of my favorite places?

WEAKLY: I am a speech language pathologist.

SAGAL: Oh, a speech language pathologist? That means you help people with sleep problems, right?

WEAKLY: Exactly. I actually work with kids with autism all day long.

SAGAL: Oh, really?

WEAKLY: Yeah, it's a blast.

SAGAL: Is it really?

WEAKLY: Yeah.

SAGAL: Because that can be challenging. That can be challenging.

WEAKLY: You know, yeah, it comes with its challenges, but I am inspired and amazed and entertained by these kids all day long. They are absolutely amazing. I work with great people. It's so much fun. I love what I do.

TOM BODETT: James, you're a much better person than we are.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show James.

WEAKLY: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each.

WEAKLY: Sounds great.

SAGAL: If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you're a winner. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Where flesh is so frequently flaunted, rogue zombies will show up undaunted. This Halloween, we make customers scream. We market our strip club as...

WEAKLY: Haunted?

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

KURTIS: Haunted.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Wow.

SAGAL: Haunted.

KURTIS: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A haunted strip club. In other words, boobs.

(LAUGHTER)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Nice.

SAGAL: The Spyce Gentlemen's Club in Portland, Ore., is hosting the first-ever strip club haunted house this Halloween. It sounds fun. Prepared to be disappointed. When a ghost takes it all off, there's nothing there.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: How do they - is it like chlamydia jump out from behind a corner? (Screams).

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: It's called the haunting of when they give you your credit card bill.

SAGAL: Yeah. The ghouls are like we're just haunting to put ourselves through school. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: As the ship sank, food choices went blacker, especially for this picky snacker. I would not touch my tin, but it's really win-win 'cause I got 20,000 for my...

WEAKLY: Oh, cracker?

SAGAL: Yes, cracker.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week...

KURTIS: How good is that?

SAGAL: A cracker left over from the Titanic sold at auction for $23,000. Now I know what you're thinking - there was a racist Southerner on the Titanic, and he was auctioned off - no.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's a cracker, a biscuit, 103-year-old saltine essentially saved from one of the lifeboats. It survived the tragic sinking of the boat thanks to the old maritime law of women, children and snacks first.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Hey GPS, rest stop - how far? Thanks, I know that my door is ajar. As I shout at the dash, I'm more likely to crash. I guess I won't talk to my...

WEAKLY: Car.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Car it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to research published this week, voice-activated technology in our cars is going to kill us all. It's more distracting even than texting because when we start a conversation with our car, like hey car, where's the nearest haunted strip club?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That simple interaction could distract you for nearly 30 seconds after you've gotten your answer. Researchers say it uses the same amount of brain power to give your car verbal directions as balancing your checkbook. And the technology is especially distracting to drivers over 60, who ask questions like hey, car, where is the nearest public radio-themed strip club?

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: It's a wonder the guy from "Knight Rider" didn't die in the first episode.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did James do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, James, I didn't think you could do it, but you had it perfect score.

SAGAL: Well done.

KURTIS: Congratulations.

SAGAL: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, James, for playing, bye-bye.

WEAKLY: Thank you so much, bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.