Splendid weddings are nothing new. But a recent study shows Americans are spending a higher share of their income on them than they did in the past. The average cost of a wedding today is said to be close to $30 thousand.
29-year old Kate Gossman, who grew up in Hyde Park, is planning her wedding next September. She’s been a bridesmaid and guest many times so she knows what she wants.
“The words I use to describe the actual feel of the wedding are rustic elegant with a hint of romance,” says Kate. “It’s not extremely formal, over the top extravagant. It’s around or slightly above a mid-tier wedding.”
Kate hopes her budget will allow 200 guests, including those from her seven years in the marketing business, and school friends from Miami and from The Summit, a private high school.
Help from a wedding planner in addition to Mom
Kate’s mother, Linda Gossman, hired a wedding planner to help with the arrangements.
“I’ve never really planned a large wedding,” Linda says. “When her dad and I were married we had a very small wedding then had a party for all of our friends and family but we didn’t do anything as extravagant as what Kate is doing.”
Wedding planning web sites, including The Knot, say most couples spend far less than the $30 thousand average. The Wedding Report says the average cost of a Hamilton county wedding last year was $24-thousand These averages, however, may be skewed by a few very expensive celebrations.
“Some people barely spend anything, some people spend upwards of a million dollars,” says John Dougherty III, who is with Lincoln Financial Advisors and sometimes counsels parents of potential brides.
Dougherty advises parents who are able to save for weddings like they save for college. And as the wedding date approaches parents should make sure the couple understands the spending limit.
“I’d advise that you have a discussion with the bride and groom about what the budget is so there’s no confusion as you move forward”, Dougherty says.
One reason many weddings are more costly today is more couples are in their late twenties or older when they marry and therefore have greater expectations and a wider circle of friends.
“When you’re older, it isn’t your mom planning the wedding. It’s you and your fiancé figuring out together what you want,” says Kate’s mother Linda. “It didn’t even occur to me to say ‘here’s what I think you should do’ because they were planning it.”
Kate’s parents did, however, set a budget for the wedding.
Destination weddings and parties
Bride-to-be Kate had some major expenses this summer…not for her wedding, but for several days in Sonoma California where she was maid of honor at the destination wedding of a Cincinnati friend.
“She’s one of my best friends I have known since I was 13, so you just don’t really think about [the expense] when it’s a friend at that level,” she says.
Sonoma is a popular site for destination weddings, which are weddings held away from the bride’s hometown, usually at a resort or vacation setting. Generally the wedding party and guests pay their transportation and hotel expenses. The bridal couple or their parents may in turn host parties beyond the traditional rehearsal dinner and wedding reception.
For the upscale weddings Kate’s accustomed to, pre-wedding events are a very big deal.
She not only went to California for the wedding, she hosted a four-day bachelorette party for the bride and 10 of her friends in a rented house near Charleston South Carolina.
“I made gift baskets for all the girls upon their arrival, planned dinners each night and had little surprises, if you will, for the bride along the way, things she needed to wear, games, so it was really fun”.
Kate’s considering Austin Texas for her own bachelorette party.
Low cost alternatives appeal to many
But there are other ways to do it. 31-year old Jenny Taylor Newcomb and her husband Travis got married two years ago. Her bachelorette party was one night out in town. The wedding reception, with about 200 guests, was at a park lodge in Owensville, with food and music by family and friends.
“We decided to have a low cost wedding mostly because we just didn’t see a reason to have a big wedding because it’s one day and while it is a special day it’s like that’s not what the marriage is about,” Jenny says.
Another bride, Leah Hulgin Scheller and her new husband Evan are from Cincinnati but now live in California, where Leah is in graduate school at UCLA.
“We toyed with the idea of having a destination wedding somewhere around Los Angeles but it just wasn’t in anyone’s budget.”
So 24-year old Leah opted for a wedding this past June in her mother’s west side yard, with food from a truck that provided wood-fired pizza. About 75 people attended.
"I didn’t want it to be all about me and all about how I look…We just wanted to have something fun that everyone would have a good time at, low key and no pressure for anyone to feel like they didn’t have anything nice enough to wear. It worked out and I had a blast and it was a really fun time,” Leah says.
On the other hand, Kate Gossman is unfamiliar with low cost weddings. She says all of the weddings she’s attended except one, when she was very young, have been upscale affairs.
Upscale wedding trends
Wedding trends today, in addition to using a wedding planner, include putting your plans on a web site or smart phone app; arranging to have the wedding party’s hair, make up and nails done; hiring stretch limos for the wedding party, and, for guests, giving cash instead of a traditional gift.
Though bride-to-be Kate picked the Taft Museum courtyard for her wedding and reception, she’s realistic about the impression it will make.
“People come, they go, they’re really just weddings to everyone…I wanted it to be something that had meaning for me and my fiancé…because it’s really ultimately what its all about.
Jenny Newcomb, who had a low cost wedding, agrees.
“It’s just what my husband and I wanted and we got that and I thought it was a very us wedding and I had several people say that.”
Jenny and her husband have paid off student loans and other debts and bought a house in Amelia with 20 percent down. They’re now parents of six month old Natalie.
Kate sold her house in Oakley and is job hunting in Denver where her fiancé, Ben Boehme, now lives. Her mother Linda is relieved that a wedding planner will manage details and keep expenses in-line as the big day approaches.
Editor’s note: Kate Gossman’s mother, Linda Gossman, is a friend of the reporter. Jenny Taylor Newcomb and Leah Hulgin Scheller are former students of the reporter at the University of Cincinnati’s Electronic Media Division.