If there's one thing no one needs at the holidays, it's more stress, especially if you've got children at home. Yet, in hundreds of thousands of households across the country, a 10-inch red-clad Elf likely showed up sometime this month.
In the nearly 20 years since "The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition" book debuted, its been ranked by Publisher's Weekly as one of the top-selling books of the last 25 years, and Atlanta-based The Lumistella Co., has sold more than 28.3 million Elf dolls (and their pets) globally, according to Bloomberg.
"Over the holidays, people are experiencing a lot of stress in general," says Mandy La Guardia, PhD, an associate professor of counseling at the University of Cincinnati and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and supervisor. "When you add one more thing to that that's a task that you need to accomplish, it's just going to add another piece of stress."
So, it's not that your Elf is inherently stressful, it's just adding one more thing onto what's likely an already long to-do list. Making things worse, however, is the pressure created by seeing all the creative and elaborate things other people are doing with their elves on social media.
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A quick Google or TikTok search for "Elf on the Shelf" returns hundreds of hits like "last minute Elf on the Shelf ideas," "easy Elf on the Shelf ideas" or "X number of Elf on the Shelf ideas." The Lumistella Co. even released a kit with 24 "ultimate Elf ideas."
La Guardia acknowledges there's a lot of pressure to make the season perfect. She recommends making the tradition fit what's best for you. She says that's what she does with her young daughter.
"Try to find a tradition around it that works for you and doesn't cause stress," she says, and acknowledge that it's really not that important if the "Elf" forgets to move at night.
"I don't get worked up about it because it's really not that important. There are other things for me and my daughter that are really important over the holidays that we focus on. So, sometimes [the elf] might do something crazy if I'm in the mood to set it up that way, but otherwise, I just kind of let it be. If I forget, I forget, it doesn't cause any problems. And I try not to put that pressure on myself," she adds.
She encourages people to see that the Elf is just one thing, one part of the holiday experience, not the only thing. While it may seem like curating a dazzling Elf display daily is imperative to having a magically holiday, she encourages you to think back to your own childhood.
"Really, it's kind of just these big events that stick out. So, it could be there's one day in the whole month that you really focus on doing something interesting and exciting with the Elf on the Shelf, and that's going to stand out more than doing something every day."
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Also, your Elf can make just as much of an impact without an elaborate scene. Perhaps your child recently did well on a class assignment, a sporting event, or other activity or accomplishment. Placing the elf near a relic of that achievement can be just as rewarding. La Guardia's own Elf recently showed up near the family's piano.
"My daughter just got a medal for one of these piano recitals that she did, and that was like, 'Oh, she sees my medal. She's gonna tell Santa.' So that was exciting for her, and I didn't really have to do anything too extreme to bring that out.
"Just think about what's going on with your kids and what would brighten up their day and help them feel good about themselves and help them to feel connected to you as their parent."
She recommends staying away from the idea of the Elf being there for punitive reasons as that is likely to create stress for your child. Kids, she notes, get enough of that message about "reporting back to Santa" already, especially from TV, videos, and their social media outlets.
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Kids are prone to reading stress in the adults in their lives and that will, in turn, add more stress to your household.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reports "approximately 24% of people with a diagnosed mental illness find that the holidays make their condition 'a lot' worse and 40% 'somewhat' worse."
La Guardia recommends seeking help if the holidays are just too stressful.
"Reach out and find somebody who is a mental health provider that [you] can talk to and just work through some of that stress and bounce ideas off of, even if it's for a few months. If you go to counseling, you don't have to be there forever, so just go get the help that you need. Seeing a mental health provider can be really helpful for your overall wellness and feeling good about yourself through the holidays."
