JUANA SUMMERS, HOST:
For many parents, the blog Scary Mommy was a place of refuge. Jill Smokler, a mother of three, started it back in 2008 - an era when the internet was saturated with so-called mommy blogs. Yet, for many, something was missing - honest dialogue about the loud, chaotic and messy parts of motherhood. The blog ultimately drew in millions of readers who saw something of themselves in Smokler's writing and observations.
Jill Smokler died earlier this week at age 48. According to her family, the cause was an aggressive form of brain cancer. And since her death, tributes have been pouring in. One of them from author Lyz Lenz who wrote, Scary Mommy was that imperfect, relatable and frumpy friend who maybe drink a little too much wine but also wouldn't insist her kids were perfect angels. And Lyz Lenz joins me now. Welcome to the program.
LYZ LENZ: Thank you so much for having me.
SUMMERS: Take me back to when you first found out about the Scary Mommy blog. What were your impressions? What was it like for you?
LENZ: So I had kids a lot earlier than a lot of my friends. And I was living in Iowa while a lot of them were, you know, in New York City, living a "Sex And The City" life, while I was living this mom blog life. And, you know, I looked online for a lot of community. And what I found online was just, like, a lot of these polished, perfect families, and it felt very lonely and isolating. And when I finally found Jill Smokler's Scary Mommy, what I found was that community that I needed - these honest voices that were saying, like, we love our babies, but this sucks, you know? Like, cloth diapers are stupid (laughter). You know...
SUMMERS: That's a lot of laundry to be doing.
LENZ: Yes. And she really did create a community. She invited other voices to be published on her site. And I was published there, too, and it helped me get my writing career started, as well. But just by vocalizing those things, it made me feel less alone. Because I, too, burn dinner. You know, I, too, did not feel like a natural at this. And when you start being honest about that on the page, it forces you to live in a more honest way. And there's a real freedom in that. I think it makes you a better person. It also makes you a better writer. And I really just appreciated that about her voice and her legacy. And, you know, I don't think calling her a mommy blogger really does justice to what she built and what her legacy truly is.
SUMMERS: If I remember correctly, you actually met Jill Smokler years ago at a...
LENZ: Yes.
SUMMERS: ...Mom blog conference. What was she like as a person?
LENZ: Oh, just exactly like her voice. She was so kind and generous and really encouraging. That was many years ago, when I was just a mom who had never published anything. And I had these two little babies, and all I ever wanted was to just be taken seriously as a writer and as a professional. And she did. You know, she saw me, and she had read some of my writing, and she had read some of my blog posts. (Crying) I'm sorry.
SUMMERS: It's OK.
LENZ: And she just - you know, she just said that she just thought my writing was great and hoped I would keep doing it. And I just appreciated that she saw me as something more than just a mom and encouraged that, you know, before anybody else did. She is a voice that will be missed by a lot of people, and I hope that her family knows that.
SUMMERS: Yeah. Lyz, how do you think that Jill Smokler would want to be remembered today by so many people who were touched by her life, her work, the community she built, her writing?
LENZ: For someone who was so good at speaking for themselves, it's so hard to speak for them. But she left behind such a wonderful body of work. And that work, I think, speaks for itself. And I would hope that we remember her for the words that she left behind, for her humor, her honesty and her generosity. And, you know, there's this real impulse to say, oh, you know, when women talk about motherhood in this negative way, they're making it look bad. No, motherhood is just actually bad sometimes, and it's hard. But she really did balance that darkness and light together. I know that there are other women out there writing work just like that. And I hope that we remember that and listen to women and read women and listen to our mothers when they tell us the truth.
SUMMERS: Writer Lyz Lenz talking about the life and legacy of Jill Smokler, the founder of Scary Mommy. Lyz, thank you.
LENZ: Thank you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by an NPR contractor. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.
